Why Awareness Matters at Sex-Positive Parties in Berlin

We're Jarek and Fabi, a couple, and the people behind UNLEASHED. Before anything else, we're guests. We go out, we dress up, we dance, and sometimes more happens.

So we know the part nobody puts on the flyer. At INSOMNIA, at KitKat and at other venues, we have experienced it ourselves: guys standing around masturbating, or watching without consent. You're having a good night with your partner, you look up, and there's a small audience nobody invited.

That is precisely what we don't want at our parties.

This isn't about one club. We host most of our nights at INSOMNIA and work really well with the team there. It happens wherever a room is full of people and nobody is looking out for them. Which is the whole point of this article.

What sex-positive doesn't mean

Sex-positive means you're free to be sexual if you and the people you're with want that. It does not mean everyone in the room is available.

A couple playing in a corner has said yes to each other. They haven't said yes to an audience, or to the guy who keeps moving a little closer. Someone in a harness and not much else got dressed to feel good, not to send you a signal. Being in a room where sex can happen is not consent to anything.

Why awareness matters even more here

A sex-positive night has more skin, darker rooms and a lot more intimacy than a normal club. That's what makes it special. It's also why things slide that would be obviously wrong anywhere else. The behaviour gets written off as part of the scene.

And when something does cross a line, most people don't make a scene of their own. They freeze, or they quietly move to another room. They don't want to ruin the night. They aren't sure it counts. They think that's just how these parties are.

It isn't. But a rule on a website doesn't change that on its own. Someone has to be in the room, watching, and ready to act.

What we do about it

Nobody can honestly promise a safe space, so we don't. We say safer, and this is what we actually do to get there.

A trained awareness team, all night. You can spot them easily: glowing LED bands at UNLEASHED, HEAT and BOUNCE, reflective vests at CAGE. You don't have to justify anything or be sure something happened. If a situation feels wrong, that's reason enough. Can't see them right away? Ask at the bar or any member of staff.

We step in early. We would rather act before something happens than after. If our awareness team has a suspicion, they are allowed to end your night right there. Getting sent home doesn't mean you're banned. It means rethink what you are doing and be better next time. Break consent and you are out, no debate.

The team talks to each other. Incidents and observations get logged during the night and shared with the whole awareness team, so what someone notices upstairs is known downstairs too.

No hunting. This is written into our rules. Walking the room and asking couple after couple if they want to play is not asking for consent. It is harassment, however polite it sounds. Asking is for people you have actually connected with.

No solo masturbation. Also written into our rules. Coming alone is more than welcome. Jerking off alone is not: not on the floor, not in the play areas and not while watching others, unless they actively invited you to.

Only a clear yes is yes. No means no. Maybe means no. A yes can be taken back at any time, and an outfit is never an invitation.

Nobody is filming you. Every night handles this in its own way. At UNLEASHED and BOUNCE, phones go to the cloakroom and pictures only happen with your consent. CAGE has no photos at all. HEAT only has thermal cameras that are projected live, with nothing recorded.

We're creating the kind of parties we'd love to attend ourselves.
Jarek & Fabi

Here for the music

Our nights are built around the DJs. People come to dance, to enjoy the music and each other, and if more happens, it happens. It's not the entry requirement and it's not the goal.

If your plan for the night is to walk laps until someone says yes, maybe we are not the event for you. And that's fine. There's a clear difference between a party where sex can happen and a place where people are prey, and we know which one we want to go to.

You're part of it too

An awareness team can't be everywhere. If you see someone hovering, following or being pushy, tell the team. You're never being dramatic, and you might be the reason someone else's night stays good.

The rules are short. Read them before you come:

See you on the floor.